Day 148…
The place where we are staying is about five miles outside of Provincetown on the bay.
As the sun was starting to set last night, Michael and I walked into town together along the beach. The tide was well out, so we were able to cut off some of the distance by just walking across the tidal flats. It was like walking from our home in New York down to the Village except we walked the entire way in bare feet.
Michael and I have never spent this much time together at any other point in our relationship. For at least half of the year, in normal times, one or the other of us, is working out of town somewhere. It’s usually me but sometimes it’s Michael too.
Even when we are working in town, we still can go all day without ever seeing each other. If Michael is shooting a movie or playing Judge Serani on Law and Order, he is long gone by the time I wake up. When I’m in New York, I rarely have a day that is actually off, so I am usually out in a studio downtown rehearsing or at auditions.
These days, we are together all the time. Our apartment is large enough that we can work in separate rooms, but it still means that we are in the same place every day.
Is that good?
So far, I think? LOL. It’s certainly… different. I can’t actually imagine going through this and sharing a living space with anybody else. Thinking about what would happen were I going through this with one of my close friends, makes me even more grateful that I am with Michael. I love my friends and trust that they love me too, but I think that in almost every case after a few weeks that one or the other of us would end up in a puddle of our own blood on the floor with a taped outline around our fallen corpse.
Every relationship has its issues, and I won’t go into what Michael’s and mine are, but I don’t think that they are in any way a threat to us staying together. At least I don’t think they are (!).
In pre-COVID times, there are so many daily distractions that it becomes relatively easy to avoid conflicts. Those distractions aren’t here these days so there is nothing stopping us from having to confront whatever issues arise. It becomes much harder to actually ignore them.
We can’t possibly be alone in experiencing this.
Case rates across the country seem to be leveling off. Some of the worst hit places like Arizona and Florida are seeing their case numbers going down.
Even while that is happening, death rates in those places are rising. Illinois and Hawaii are two of the states seeing their numbers spike.
The problem with looking at overall maps is that the numbers are all relative to each other. Florida’s numbers are going down but only in regard to where they had been. They still have daily cases in the thousands. Hawaii’s numbers are going up, but their cases were low and are still only in the hundreds. Hawaii is, of course, a much smaller state.
There are 20 states where the positivity rates are going up. The problem is that the number of tests that states should be doing is going down. This means that the positivity rates could be much, much higher without our knowing it. Many more states than just those 20 could be having the same problem.
Maine, where numbers are very low, is doing 200 - 300% of the testing they need to do. They have incredible control over the virus. They are being extremely proactive about identifying possible spikes and then tracing who the infected might have come in contact with. They are strict about quarantining visitors and returning residents.
Compare that with Arizona where only about 16% of the tests that they should be doing are being done. Their daily case numbers SEEM to be going down, but how many cases are happening out there and just not being discovered?
Dr. Fauci is still advocating that nothing re-open until case numbers go way down. He’s not saying shut everything down again, just that universal safety protocols be followed everywhere and just the hotspots be shut down.
There are already issues at some schools that have reopened around the country. Kids and teachers have tested positive which has put many others into quarantine. 116 kids in Mississippi tested positive and were sent home yesterday. That’s what should be happening, but it will be interesting to see just how widespread this becomes without any sort of strong central leadership and speedy centralized testing.
I think that perhaps a lot of the rush to reopen schools is happening because of the pressure that people are feeling at home trapped together.
I, personally, feel like I am made for uncle-dom. As an uncle, I get all of the fun parts of interacting with kids and then, when things inevitably go south, I can just hand them back to their parents and blithely get on with my day. The pressure that parents must be under these days must be enormous. There is no break possible from it at all.
In a completely unrelated and astonishing development, New York Attorney General Letitia James filed a lawsuit today against the National Rifle Association that seeks to dissolve it.
Wow! is really the only response I have to that.
The NRA is registered in New York as a charity which is what gives AG James jurisdiction over it. The suit alleges that NRA executives used charitable funds for personal gain, awarded contracts to friends and family members, and provided contracts to former employees in order to ensure their loyalty. After an eighteen-month investigation AG James claims to have uncovered financial misconduct in the millions of dollars. The group, according to her, is "fraught with fraud and abuse."
Wow, indeed! Trying to dismantle the largely Republican-supported National Rifle Association three months before a national Presidential election is like shooting JR on the TV series Dallas. Everyone tuned in months later to see who had done it.
We haven’t heard the last of THAT by a long shot.
Also, today, Deutsche Bank finally complied with the subpoena and turned over the President’s financial records to New York prosecutors.
Wow! again. Michael’s got popcorn ready to go on the stove.
I am sure that there are a lot people out there who are navigating through this pandemic alone who sometimes fantasize about what it would be like going through it with a partner.
To all of you, I would say that you should know that I think that a lot of us who are going through this with someone sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to be going through it alone ourselves. Friends who are stuck at homes with their whole families seem to occasionally look longing out from their Zoom boxes at those of us without. Those of us without sometimes look longingly in at those with, envying them the activity and energy. This isn’t easy on any of us. None of it is what most of us would choose.
Whatever it might look like on social media, nobody is getting through this without stress. “Compare and Despair” is a perfect phrase. We always seem to want what we don’t have.
Given that, though, I don’t think I regret a single choice that I’ve made in terms of how to navigate through this pandemic. I tend to keep to myself a lot as it is, without Michael I would have become a monk. The two of us are wired differently but that’s what makes life interesting.
Michael’s cooking up breakfast.
I am so glad that he’s there. After I divorced my ex, I was bound and determined never to get married again, Changing my mind, was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Most days anyway!
Whatever way you are getting through this, your way is your way. It is unlikely to be any better or any worse than how any of the rest of us are doing it.
If you are on your own and need some company, then reach out. Your friends who are couples, I am sure, would welcome the distraction. If you are with your family and need some time, then speak up and go out for a walk alone.
There’s enough going on that makes this hard. We need to be kind to each other and cut ourselves some slack.
We need to be kind to ourselves.
I can’t really find a quote about kindness that doesn’t sound soppy and hallmark card-y, so I’ll leave off here.
Be kind.
sooooo loved this post!!!
Dali Lama said
“Kindness is my religion”
now the NRA stands for
No
Rifles
Anymore
amongst other weapons that kill
I am convinced
COVID tested every kind of relationship
It improved mine with myself
and with those I love
I became still enough
with enough time to hear
the people in my life
who I choose to keep listening to
and those I never really heard
I am also convinced
most of the people
who are rushing and anxious to
get back to work ( without passion / purpose vs the paycheck)
want to shut off
what
COVID
opened up to them
I personally love the idea of you & Michael walking along the beach at sunset
bearfoot
grounded in love